todays midwife appointment.

this is my blog for all my maternity related rants. I'm also working on past experiences in other posts so it might be a bit jumbled.. bear with me :)

At my appointment today I had the realisation that it doesn't matter who my midwife is. It is unfortunate that I have to come to this conclusion, but I am going to find it very hard to have a relationship with someone who has the power over me to refer me to social services should they have any "concerns" about me. A midwife is meant to be working in partnership with me and supporting me. They are for the mother. However, because in my experience they haven't worked with me but against me then their role has completely been diminished.

I thought that by changing to a new midwife I could re establish a decent relationship with a new one but then I realised today that its just not necessary. The role of the antenatal midwife is just that. They are not going to be present at the birth, that will be a hospital midwife and after the birth it will be health visitors. As their role is (in my opinion) so small I can "get by" by just being polite and complying with the various tests and things that needs to happen.

It is also about survival, and trust. I feel that you have to completely trust the midwife with you and your baby. However, if I had any concerns I would really struggle to raise them with her for fear of the repercussions of doing so. I have to be so careful with what they might think of me that I can't go to them with any concerns. Thankfully I do have another team that I can go to if I need to.

That being said, it was a positive experience. This trust issue that really hit me today, has also bizarrely been resolved today. The midwife has referred me to the Doula service. This is a voluntary service in Sheffield where Mums to be are given support and advocacy from 6 weeks before birth, during birth and 6 weeks after birth. Here is a brief description of the service:

Sheffield Doula Volunteers Project The Doula project is part of Sheffield City Council and aims to support pregnant women throughout the last six weeks of their pregnancy, during the birth and six weeks postnatally. The Doula offers emotional and practical support, to prepare the mother for the birth, increase bonding and attachment with their baby and offer information and support with breastfeeding. Mothers are sign-posted to relevant services to enable them to get off to the best start once they are discharged from the Doula programme. The Sheffield Doula Service is a city wide service and is free of charge.

The Sheffield Volunteer Doula Project is a project training local women to be volunteer doulas or birth partners.

What a Doula can do for you:
• Offer continuous emotional and practical support before and after the baby is born
• Attend appointments and antenatal classes with you
• Give you information and support with planning the birth
• Provide information and support with breastfeeding
• Offer support at the time of the birth, which can make labour a more positive experience
• Visit the local children’s centre and attend mum and baby groups with you

This sounds like exactly the sort of support I need. Lets just hope it doesn't work out like my first attempt at asking for help and is a more positive experience. From what I have heard of Doulas in the private sector it sounds like they are well worth having.