So, I was reading this http://www.bestdaily.co.uk/your-life/news/a567116/i-was-not-allowed-the-words-that-steal-our-birth-power.html
Which I started by wholeheartedly agreeing with.
the message has simply not got through that we have rights in birth just
as we have rights in our workplace, in our marriages and in every other
aspect of our lives. We're stuck in a 'doctor knows best' mentality,
that finds us failing to question 'expert' decisions – some of which
might be very helpful, others less so.
All too often women accept what the doctor says and fall into the doctor knows best trap. However, I think it is dangerous to reject this notion outright and don't agree with the sentiment in the article:
This is not just my 'personal' view. It is enshrined in law: the
European Court of Human Rights decided in 2011 that it is the woman who
is the ultimate decision maker, and that every woman has the right to
decide where she gives birth, and how she gives birth.
And
guidelines from the GMC on medical decision making are quite clear too,
that this is a mutual process in which the medical professional must set
out all the options, including 'risks, benefits, burdens and side
effects', and that, 'The patient decides whether to accept any of the
options and, if so, which one. They also have the right to accept or
refuse an option for a reason that may seem irrational to the doctor, or
for no reason at all.'
It is completely about power, status and control though. In the ante-natal and post natal world mothers are seen as big bundles of hormones incapable of making rational and logical decisions about their own bodies... or are they?
I have to look away from the feminism argument to find my answer and towards disability studies. Within disability studies and activism there is a big push against the medical dominance on peoples bodies and daily lives. The social model rejects the medical models ideology that disability is located within the individual and places it firmly within the societal barriers that exist to disable people. Alongside this there is a rejection of the power of the medical professionals over disabled peoples lives and reclaiming bodies from medicine is a "big thing".
However, out of this there has come more of a middle ground. These people argue that rejection of the role of medicine is a dangerous thing to do as ultimately there is an importance and a need of having this intervention in some disabled peoples lives in order for them to remain "stable". I tend to agree with this argument and its my belief that in order to counter the dominant medical culture we don't need to reject it but to engage and work with it to achieve the outcome we need. It centres around the ideology of nothing about us without us.
Ultimately it has meant (re applying it back to ante-natal and post-natal) that in my pregnancy I have often asked the question why? or how? or similar. I have not wanted to reject the knowledge and expertise that I have at my disposal and trust my body or make my own decisions against medical advice but worked with this knowledge as an equal participant. It is not about dominance, whether that be on the part of the mother or the "doctor" but about partnership.
If there is a decision to be made about my care I will not blindly accept the status quo or even reject it on principle. I will seek, with the help of the professionals the knowledge I need to make an informed and balanced decision that is both empowering to me as it takes my needs into account and the needs of the medical professionals to be responsible for my care.
I agree that all too often there is a permission culture within maternity care, but I honestly believe there is a better alternative than seeking dominance in order to reclaim our bodies. Empowerment and control can be reclaimed through collaboration with professionals and choices can be made to accommodate this.
It is time to change the culture from I'm not allowed but not to I am allowed, even against medical judgement. It should be changed to it has been agreed that this is the best outcome for all. It can be very difficult to do this at certain points in pregnancy and especially in labour, but I genuinely believe it is the best way forward. It is about midwives, doctors and professionals giving a bit of their power away to the mothers by enabling them to chose and decide for themselves. It is about changing the language of control to a language of collaboration rather than subservience.
In the same way that mothers are not there to serve the needs of the doctors, doctors are not there to serve the needs of the mothers. There has to be a recognition and a balance of mother knows best and doctor knows best, because ultimately, they both do.
Wednesday, 30 April 2014
Friday, 25 April 2014
my thoughts on the final social services assessment..
I am finding it somewhat ironic to be in this situation. When I was 9
weeks pregnant it was agreed by my midwife, husband and I that having a
baby would incur some extra difficulties for me due to my impairment
and that I should go through the process of seeking support for this. To
get to 36 weeks and be relieved when the outcome of this initial
premise has been proven to be false demonstrates to me that either the
assessment system is flawed (and that I do need extra support) or that
there was another agenda, hidden from view.
Unfortunately my experiences throughout this time have made me come to the conclusion that it is the latter that is more likely to be true. Although it was put to us that my impairment meant that I could do with some support in pregnancy, birth and parenthood, the actual focus wasn’t on my husband and I but that of our unborn child. By placing a child’s needs who by legal definition has no rights pre-birth above ours skews the support on offer to become that of assessing our capability as parents in a deficit framework as oppose to a supportive one. That is to say that all the assessments and interventions we experienced over this time have focused on what we can’t do and can’t provide as a family due to my impairment, rather than what we can or what we might need additional support with.
The guidance on the internet backs this up, placing parents who are disabled in the same category of need as substance addicted parents and parents with complex and multiple problems and needs. The power of the label as a tool of judgement against me was total. By nature of being a disabled mum to be my child must be in need and lacking of something essential to their safety and wellbeing. This is the premise that these assessments start from. They don’t start from the premise that all parents to be are lacking of their parenting ability until they become parents and even then this skill is not automatic and has to be learnt and is achieved through mistakes and experience. By expecting disabled parents parental capability to be above even that of their non-disabled peers places a huge amount of pressure and expectations upon these parents, who like me, might have their own barriers to overcome before even considering how to parent (but that should in no way be seen as a deficit or even the fault of the parents: it could be societal barriers etc.).
Our family has spent the last month going through absolute hell. We have been surviving day to day, emotionally fragile and physically exhausted. We have been intensively and intrusively questioned about every aspect of our current and past lives and in even more detail about the impact of my impairment on my ability to be a parent. Having to answer questions that are basically requiring the skills of a psychic in a way that not only satisfies the assessor but also accurately reflects personal opinion and expectation has been, well, weird. We lost sight of the whole process and ourselves, feeling the pressure of being negatively labelled and battling against the power of self-fulfilling prophesy that the assessments were placing on us. Clinging on to what little pieces of humanity we had left was very difficult and at times impossible to achieve, with us only just managing to make it through the day intact.
We went from seeking support to seeking a way out of the system. It became very clear to us early on that the “support” on offer was only judgement and assumptive concepts of disabled parents wrapped up in positivity and care. Although we still, underneath it all might need support because of my impairment we would be reluctant to seek it again because of our experiences.
It is a surprising and ironic conclusion that we (or should I say our child) has been assessed as not “in need” from a system that is institutionally disablist and that labels all disabled people as incapable parents . I would be hesitant to call it a victory, because I don’t think that finding one family capable of being parents will make any significant changes to the whole system or the assumptions and prejudice that exist within it, which saddens me. Our family is lucky, well-educated and well supported, but it shouldn’t be lucky to be labelled as capable parents despite/because of our individual circumstances, it should be the premise that all assessments should start from and not conclude with.
Unfortunately my experiences throughout this time have made me come to the conclusion that it is the latter that is more likely to be true. Although it was put to us that my impairment meant that I could do with some support in pregnancy, birth and parenthood, the actual focus wasn’t on my husband and I but that of our unborn child. By placing a child’s needs who by legal definition has no rights pre-birth above ours skews the support on offer to become that of assessing our capability as parents in a deficit framework as oppose to a supportive one. That is to say that all the assessments and interventions we experienced over this time have focused on what we can’t do and can’t provide as a family due to my impairment, rather than what we can or what we might need additional support with.
The guidance on the internet backs this up, placing parents who are disabled in the same category of need as substance addicted parents and parents with complex and multiple problems and needs. The power of the label as a tool of judgement against me was total. By nature of being a disabled mum to be my child must be in need and lacking of something essential to their safety and wellbeing. This is the premise that these assessments start from. They don’t start from the premise that all parents to be are lacking of their parenting ability until they become parents and even then this skill is not automatic and has to be learnt and is achieved through mistakes and experience. By expecting disabled parents parental capability to be above even that of their non-disabled peers places a huge amount of pressure and expectations upon these parents, who like me, might have their own barriers to overcome before even considering how to parent (but that should in no way be seen as a deficit or even the fault of the parents: it could be societal barriers etc.).
Our family has spent the last month going through absolute hell. We have been surviving day to day, emotionally fragile and physically exhausted. We have been intensively and intrusively questioned about every aspect of our current and past lives and in even more detail about the impact of my impairment on my ability to be a parent. Having to answer questions that are basically requiring the skills of a psychic in a way that not only satisfies the assessor but also accurately reflects personal opinion and expectation has been, well, weird. We lost sight of the whole process and ourselves, feeling the pressure of being negatively labelled and battling against the power of self-fulfilling prophesy that the assessments were placing on us. Clinging on to what little pieces of humanity we had left was very difficult and at times impossible to achieve, with us only just managing to make it through the day intact.
We went from seeking support to seeking a way out of the system. It became very clear to us early on that the “support” on offer was only judgement and assumptive concepts of disabled parents wrapped up in positivity and care. Although we still, underneath it all might need support because of my impairment we would be reluctant to seek it again because of our experiences.
It is a surprising and ironic conclusion that we (or should I say our child) has been assessed as not “in need” from a system that is institutionally disablist and that labels all disabled people as incapable parents . I would be hesitant to call it a victory, because I don’t think that finding one family capable of being parents will make any significant changes to the whole system or the assumptions and prejudice that exist within it, which saddens me. Our family is lucky, well-educated and well supported, but it shouldn’t be lucky to be labelled as capable parents despite/because of our individual circumstances, it should be the premise that all assessments should start from and not conclude with.
Sunday, 13 April 2014
The assessment....
I am a perfectly rational human being. I have to keep reminding myself of this at the moment. It is something that is very easy to forget when you are undergoing a social services assessment, supposedly in the name of supporting you to care for your unborn child. All sorts of paranoia's and thoughts are going through my head right now, second guessing every question I have been asked, and my answers to them. Trying to figure out exactly the motive is for some of the questions and what exactly they are going to conclude at the next meeting.
I am not quite sure how we ended up here. In the middle of being assessed by social services. I guess it all started when I got pregnant and my impairment was highlighted as something that needed additional support throughout my pregnancy and birth. So I was told. What actually happened was a series of assessments and interventions which were heavily medicalised and focused negatively on my weaknesses as a potential disabled mother.
I thought it was the end of it when I had a meeting with my "intervention worker" from the local childrens centre said it was. They said there was very little they could do pre birth but that because we had self referred they were leaving it to us to self refer again should we need support post birth.
And then, 3 or 4 weeks ago I had a phone call, completely unexpectedly. It was a social worker wanting to make an appointment to conduct what is known in social work as a "pre birth assessment". This process is only done in circumstances that mean that there is a potential cause of concern regarding the unborn child. As they admitted to me on the phone, they have no concept of the scope of my impairment and made no attempt to discover it, preferring to call it (and in turn me) bizarre. It has since evolved from that statement to complex, unusual and other describing words but the underlying sentiment is still there: they dont know what it is so they are concerned about it.
The social worker seemed accommodating enough, making the initial appointment to fit around my husbands working commitments. Unfortunately the first meeting was cancelled with very short notice due to the social worker being called away on urgent business. This delayed the start of the process by a week and left us both another week in limbo. When we finally had the initial meeting the assessment process was partially explained to us. We would be having separate meetings focusing on different aspects surrounding being a parent and how my impairment might impact on my ability as a parent. We also were told that we needed to discuss our family and support network and family history.
It was at this point that I was really concerned. It is not that I rely on my husband solely or that there are any control or abuse issues, but a simple fact of my impairment that I can not cope well with the set up the social worker was suggesting. Being on my own and being expected to answer challenging, intrusive and at times intimate questions causes me extreme stress. However, I was placed in a position where I had no power to challenge the process or request that someone was with me without it looking like I was unable (or unwilling) to co-operate fully with the assessment. However, the ironic thing is, were I allowed to have a supporter with me to keep me calm (bar my cat who sat on me the whole time the social worker visited) I would have been able to engage better with the process than I believe I have done.
I had the first meeting, convincing myself that my paranoia about the whole thing was down to hormones and irrationality. However, after being subject to such intimate questions about my husband and I's relationship status, such as how does the age difference have an impact on your relationship and then highly medicallised and negative questions about my impairment like what is it exactly (never accepting what i was saying and always questioning) I was slowly starting to think my concerns were justified. The social worker also wanted to know my reasons for having a C section, again not being satifised with medical reasons as an answer but wanting to know what medical reasons. They eventually asked what impact this choice would have on my ability as a parent. I don't think they expected me to tell them a positive impact because it is the least traumatic delivery option.
There was opportunity for me to demonstrate a bit of power and control at the first meeting. I was asked about how I seen my impairment, whether positive or negative etc. and I was able to give a comprehensive response based on my ideological stance around disability being socially constructed. However, this was soon thwarted with my second attempt to respond positively to the question as to what type of Mum would I be as apararnlty it wasnt enough to start with love, I had to then demonstrate that I was able to show love and affection effectively (reminder to self I am 8 months pregnant and newly married).
My husband was only subject to one of these meetings and the contents of which have been left specifically vague. He assures me that he did his best to present a positive outlook on our relationship and current life etc. which is reassuring to say the least. It is nice to have a supportive person backing me up.
My second meeting has left me (and everyone supporting me) a bit shocked. I rambled through my family history hoping that the various quirks were no more quirky than anyone elses family. I was then asked if I seen my situation as different to any other newly married soon to be parents situation. I was adamant that I didn't, why should I? I don't make a habit of comparing myself to other people and I have very few people of which I can compare. However I was made to feel like that was the wrong answer and that by sole reason of my impairment our family situation was different, and not in a positive way. We are apparently socially isolated, even if that is by choice and in our minds a positive thing. Then the big one.
The social worker said to me that the house was cluttered and untidy. They werent saying it was dirty, but they wouldnt accept that it was tidy. This is one of my biggest obsessions and something that I take very personally. By saying this to me instead of to us increased the feeling of a personal attack. I was asked if it was a lifestyle choice and I attempted to explain that although we didn;t chose to live like this, it was just the way we lived. However, you have to remember that at this point I was sitting in a tidy front room, where the only things out of place were on open shelves instead of closed shelves. There was nothing on the floor and the only other thing that might have been considered cluttered were the collection of moving boxes in the corner. We had moved in 3 months ago, we were still unpacking. Attempting to explain to the social worker that unpacking and moving in was taking longer than expected proved to be impossible to communicate. If anyone else can put the fact that my husbands just started work, im pregnant and so that means we only have the weekends to get the house straight and unpacked, with the burden of responsibility falling onto my husband in a way that the social worker can understand Id be grateful.
There were other, horrible things that happened during that meeting that left me feeling vunerable incapable and downright crap that I really dont want to go into here, but the whole process has reduced me to a ball of hormones and an emotional mess. I am 35 weeks pregnant, which again the social worker apologised for the delay but due to budget cuts its taken this long to see us, despite the fact it is against best practice to subject us to this at this emotionally fragile time.
I am, or at least I attempt to be a highly resilant person. This is not by choice per sea but by necessity. The summary of a recent study I read places reslience with the framework of interdependance rather than independence. However, as I was placed in a position of isolation and vunerablity by this process and felt some sort of shame in it, it left me with little resources to reach out to other people which lowered my resilience and therefore my ability to cope. I am attempting to constantly remind myself that I am a capable human being, but it is very hard when everything is against me saying I am not.
We are spending the weekend pleasing the social worker. The process of this house becoming our home has been temporarily put on hold whilst we have to priotise "tidyness" over personalising and preparing properly for our imminent new arrival, having to focus on specific points raised by the social worker instead. Although we have had help to do this, and I am highly thankful and grateful for the help, as I am particularly sensitive it has increased the feeling of powerlessness and vulnerability that has been increasing throughout this pregnancy.
I can't describe the feeling that this process is having on me as it is multi levelled, but in general it is pretty unsettling to have to santitise the house and depersonalise it to such an extent it doesn't feel like our home anymore. Not being allowed to have the space to breathe and discover how we are going to live in the space in the short term and after baby has arrived is suffocating. Apparently the house has to be in the sort of condition you'd expect from a show home and not a family home. This is, according to the social worker because they are not only assessing us for the next few months but the suitability of the family home for the entire of the childs life. So, although there have been no documented reports of a baby leaving the womb and walking and crawling around, being into everything and pulling everything off everywhere, we have to pretend that our baby needs the sort of environment suitable for a toddler or young child. There is no scope for adapting the house as baby grows up to accomodate the change in their needs and ours, or any ability to accept that we have the ability to change how we life. The house and our lifestyle has to be perfect now.
I have put on the wall my mothers day present. Rules worth living by.
I am not quite sure how we ended up here. In the middle of being assessed by social services. I guess it all started when I got pregnant and my impairment was highlighted as something that needed additional support throughout my pregnancy and birth. So I was told. What actually happened was a series of assessments and interventions which were heavily medicalised and focused negatively on my weaknesses as a potential disabled mother.
I thought it was the end of it when I had a meeting with my "intervention worker" from the local childrens centre said it was. They said there was very little they could do pre birth but that because we had self referred they were leaving it to us to self refer again should we need support post birth.
And then, 3 or 4 weeks ago I had a phone call, completely unexpectedly. It was a social worker wanting to make an appointment to conduct what is known in social work as a "pre birth assessment". This process is only done in circumstances that mean that there is a potential cause of concern regarding the unborn child. As they admitted to me on the phone, they have no concept of the scope of my impairment and made no attempt to discover it, preferring to call it (and in turn me) bizarre. It has since evolved from that statement to complex, unusual and other describing words but the underlying sentiment is still there: they dont know what it is so they are concerned about it.
The social worker seemed accommodating enough, making the initial appointment to fit around my husbands working commitments. Unfortunately the first meeting was cancelled with very short notice due to the social worker being called away on urgent business. This delayed the start of the process by a week and left us both another week in limbo. When we finally had the initial meeting the assessment process was partially explained to us. We would be having separate meetings focusing on different aspects surrounding being a parent and how my impairment might impact on my ability as a parent. We also were told that we needed to discuss our family and support network and family history.
It was at this point that I was really concerned. It is not that I rely on my husband solely or that there are any control or abuse issues, but a simple fact of my impairment that I can not cope well with the set up the social worker was suggesting. Being on my own and being expected to answer challenging, intrusive and at times intimate questions causes me extreme stress. However, I was placed in a position where I had no power to challenge the process or request that someone was with me without it looking like I was unable (or unwilling) to co-operate fully with the assessment. However, the ironic thing is, were I allowed to have a supporter with me to keep me calm (bar my cat who sat on me the whole time the social worker visited) I would have been able to engage better with the process than I believe I have done.
I had the first meeting, convincing myself that my paranoia about the whole thing was down to hormones and irrationality. However, after being subject to such intimate questions about my husband and I's relationship status, such as how does the age difference have an impact on your relationship and then highly medicallised and negative questions about my impairment like what is it exactly (never accepting what i was saying and always questioning) I was slowly starting to think my concerns were justified. The social worker also wanted to know my reasons for having a C section, again not being satifised with medical reasons as an answer but wanting to know what medical reasons. They eventually asked what impact this choice would have on my ability as a parent. I don't think they expected me to tell them a positive impact because it is the least traumatic delivery option.
There was opportunity for me to demonstrate a bit of power and control at the first meeting. I was asked about how I seen my impairment, whether positive or negative etc. and I was able to give a comprehensive response based on my ideological stance around disability being socially constructed. However, this was soon thwarted with my second attempt to respond positively to the question as to what type of Mum would I be as apararnlty it wasnt enough to start with love, I had to then demonstrate that I was able to show love and affection effectively (reminder to self I am 8 months pregnant and newly married).
My husband was only subject to one of these meetings and the contents of which have been left specifically vague. He assures me that he did his best to present a positive outlook on our relationship and current life etc. which is reassuring to say the least. It is nice to have a supportive person backing me up.
My second meeting has left me (and everyone supporting me) a bit shocked. I rambled through my family history hoping that the various quirks were no more quirky than anyone elses family. I was then asked if I seen my situation as different to any other newly married soon to be parents situation. I was adamant that I didn't, why should I? I don't make a habit of comparing myself to other people and I have very few people of which I can compare. However I was made to feel like that was the wrong answer and that by sole reason of my impairment our family situation was different, and not in a positive way. We are apparently socially isolated, even if that is by choice and in our minds a positive thing. Then the big one.
The social worker said to me that the house was cluttered and untidy. They werent saying it was dirty, but they wouldnt accept that it was tidy. This is one of my biggest obsessions and something that I take very personally. By saying this to me instead of to us increased the feeling of a personal attack. I was asked if it was a lifestyle choice and I attempted to explain that although we didn;t chose to live like this, it was just the way we lived. However, you have to remember that at this point I was sitting in a tidy front room, where the only things out of place were on open shelves instead of closed shelves. There was nothing on the floor and the only other thing that might have been considered cluttered were the collection of moving boxes in the corner. We had moved in 3 months ago, we were still unpacking. Attempting to explain to the social worker that unpacking and moving in was taking longer than expected proved to be impossible to communicate. If anyone else can put the fact that my husbands just started work, im pregnant and so that means we only have the weekends to get the house straight and unpacked, with the burden of responsibility falling onto my husband in a way that the social worker can understand Id be grateful.
There were other, horrible things that happened during that meeting that left me feeling vunerable incapable and downright crap that I really dont want to go into here, but the whole process has reduced me to a ball of hormones and an emotional mess. I am 35 weeks pregnant, which again the social worker apologised for the delay but due to budget cuts its taken this long to see us, despite the fact it is against best practice to subject us to this at this emotionally fragile time.
I am, or at least I attempt to be a highly resilant person. This is not by choice per sea but by necessity. The summary of a recent study I read places reslience with the framework of interdependance rather than independence. However, as I was placed in a position of isolation and vunerablity by this process and felt some sort of shame in it, it left me with little resources to reach out to other people which lowered my resilience and therefore my ability to cope. I am attempting to constantly remind myself that I am a capable human being, but it is very hard when everything is against me saying I am not.
We are spending the weekend pleasing the social worker. The process of this house becoming our home has been temporarily put on hold whilst we have to priotise "tidyness" over personalising and preparing properly for our imminent new arrival, having to focus on specific points raised by the social worker instead. Although we have had help to do this, and I am highly thankful and grateful for the help, as I am particularly sensitive it has increased the feeling of powerlessness and vulnerability that has been increasing throughout this pregnancy.
I can't describe the feeling that this process is having on me as it is multi levelled, but in general it is pretty unsettling to have to santitise the house and depersonalise it to such an extent it doesn't feel like our home anymore. Not being allowed to have the space to breathe and discover how we are going to live in the space in the short term and after baby has arrived is suffocating. Apparently the house has to be in the sort of condition you'd expect from a show home and not a family home. This is, according to the social worker because they are not only assessing us for the next few months but the suitability of the family home for the entire of the childs life. So, although there have been no documented reports of a baby leaving the womb and walking and crawling around, being into everything and pulling everything off everywhere, we have to pretend that our baby needs the sort of environment suitable for a toddler or young child. There is no scope for adapting the house as baby grows up to accomodate the change in their needs and ours, or any ability to accept that we have the ability to change how we life. The house and our lifestyle has to be perfect now.
I have put on the wall my mothers day present. Rules worth living by.
Thursday, 3 April 2014
A positive birth choice!
I have been reading a book recently and it states that being pregnant and giving birth is political. That is, it doesn't happen in isolation, but in context to the environment and societal pressures and priorities at that time.
Looking back in history the way women give birth has gone through many different phases of what is considered normal, acceptable and "allowed". At the moment, within the UK and the NHS the focus is very much on natural birth, but in a hospital context. This is usually in a separate part of the hospital to the "main" delivery suites in something called the midwife led unit. It is part of the whole current NHS approach to pregnancy and childbirth that states that it is a perfectly normal part of life and shouldn't be "medicalised".
Although pregnancy and birth IS very medicalised at the moment (GP's, doctors, scans, blood tests, monitoring etc etc.), what the NHS in the UK has done is set the parameters of a natural birth a little bit wider to encompass some form of medical intervention whilst keeping with the natural ethos, the best of both as it were. Ultimately this translates into making "natural birth" the "best thing" for "the majority of people".
Which leaves me..
When I first started looking into my birth choices the NHS actually used the word normal birth to describe natural birth. It felt very restrictive and prescriptive as to how women should be approaching what is a very big decision. I felt increasingly under pressure and unable to make a proper informed decision without the very obvious bias having an influence. I sought out and researched ALL birth choices and all the risks and benefits associated with them. I got independent and impartial advice from various different sources (as any good student would do).
I had made my decision, based on my personal situation and what is best for all concerned. Now, the difficulty (it would seem) would be to get this implemented and acted upon. I was, initially met with support from some agencies and curiosity from others. Ultimately what made the process hardest was the NHS burecracy that states that "non normative" birth choices can only be confirmed at 36 weeks pregnant. By some fluke I managed to get my birth choice confirmed by week 30, but I guess thats just me and my attitude.
I want to make a positive declaration and affirmation. I am giving birth by caesarean section. I see this as an achievement an a culmination of my 9 month transitional journey into motherhood. I am doing this, not out of ease or convenience, but as a result of a long process of decision making. Although I might not experience the pain of labour, I will experience the pain of recovery. Ulitmately I will still feel the same sense of achievement when my baby is handed to me for the first time and satisfaction that I have carried them for the last 9 months safely into this world. I ask not to be judged or particularly questioned about this decision because I have been through all the risks, benefits and associated factors and have made an informed decision based on those. All I ask is that you respect and accept my decision and continue to support me in whatever way you have been through this process. I was planning to keep this decision to myself, but ultimately that feels like I have attached some sort of shame to it, that I am hiding it and not treating it as a positive thing. I want to be out and proud about the decision that I have made and not be ashamed or feel abnormal or unnatural for doing so. I am keeping the details of the birth private (for I hope obvious reasons) so please respect this decision.
thanks
Looking back in history the way women give birth has gone through many different phases of what is considered normal, acceptable and "allowed". At the moment, within the UK and the NHS the focus is very much on natural birth, but in a hospital context. This is usually in a separate part of the hospital to the "main" delivery suites in something called the midwife led unit. It is part of the whole current NHS approach to pregnancy and childbirth that states that it is a perfectly normal part of life and shouldn't be "medicalised".
Although pregnancy and birth IS very medicalised at the moment (GP's, doctors, scans, blood tests, monitoring etc etc.), what the NHS in the UK has done is set the parameters of a natural birth a little bit wider to encompass some form of medical intervention whilst keeping with the natural ethos, the best of both as it were. Ultimately this translates into making "natural birth" the "best thing" for "the majority of people".
Which leaves me..
When I first started looking into my birth choices the NHS actually used the word normal birth to describe natural birth. It felt very restrictive and prescriptive as to how women should be approaching what is a very big decision. I felt increasingly under pressure and unable to make a proper informed decision without the very obvious bias having an influence. I sought out and researched ALL birth choices and all the risks and benefits associated with them. I got independent and impartial advice from various different sources (as any good student would do).
I had made my decision, based on my personal situation and what is best for all concerned. Now, the difficulty (it would seem) would be to get this implemented and acted upon. I was, initially met with support from some agencies and curiosity from others. Ultimately what made the process hardest was the NHS burecracy that states that "non normative" birth choices can only be confirmed at 36 weeks pregnant. By some fluke I managed to get my birth choice confirmed by week 30, but I guess thats just me and my attitude.
I want to make a positive declaration and affirmation. I am giving birth by caesarean section. I see this as an achievement an a culmination of my 9 month transitional journey into motherhood. I am doing this, not out of ease or convenience, but as a result of a long process of decision making. Although I might not experience the pain of labour, I will experience the pain of recovery. Ulitmately I will still feel the same sense of achievement when my baby is handed to me for the first time and satisfaction that I have carried them for the last 9 months safely into this world. I ask not to be judged or particularly questioned about this decision because I have been through all the risks, benefits and associated factors and have made an informed decision based on those. All I ask is that you respect and accept my decision and continue to support me in whatever way you have been through this process. I was planning to keep this decision to myself, but ultimately that feels like I have attached some sort of shame to it, that I am hiding it and not treating it as a positive thing. I want to be out and proud about the decision that I have made and not be ashamed or feel abnormal or unnatural for doing so. I am keeping the details of the birth private (for I hope obvious reasons) so please respect this decision.
thanks
Sunday, 30 March 2014
social services (happy mothers day?)
All good stories have a twist to it, which I suppose means
that mine at least should make it into the realms of a good story. I hope this
one doesn’t make you cry, but if it does Im sorry, you can join in with me.
Last Friday we had a meeting. One that we were promised
wouldn’t happen by many different people and one that came completely from
nowhere. It had already been re arranged from the previous week so this added
to the stress. This meeting was with a social worker to discuss the impact of
my disability on my ability to be a parent.
Unfortunately this meeting is just the start of the
assessment process. We now have 3 more meetings, separately to discuss in
detail this impact of my disability on my ability to be a parent. It is a full
social services assessment and one that is hopefully going to conclude that the
only impact that it will have will be a positive one. But this is social
services, so who knows.
I have unfortunately been open and honest about my
disability to my midwife and doctors and nurses throughout this pregnancy. I
say unfortunately, but there are some perks, which I will discuss later on. In
the main though the disclosure of my impairment has been the most disabling
part of being pregnant for me. Far more than the slowly decreasing mobility and
the morning sickness and the other body changes, the impact that saying that I’m
disabled has had is immense.
I am not treated the same as any other parent to be, and
there seems to be an automatic assumption of deficit in my case. Ironically its
not one that social services seem to be able to meet per sea (budget cuts
seemed to be mentioned in every other sentence through this meeting) but its
certainly there.
The assessment will be a bit of a crystal ball exercise. I
don’t know how Im going to be a parent, or what might happen. I have never done
this before. But im not allowed to say that. I have to pretend that I am fully
prepared and know exactly what I am doing and not going to get anything wrong.
Life within social services world is a tad idealistic and it is documented that
they place a higher expectation on parents under their scrutiny.
I write all this about me, but its not that I have forgotten
I have a supportive and loving husband, they have. I have to have 2 more
meetings on my own and he has one of his own too. They are simply not taking
into account that I need his support in order to be able to properly engage
with this process. It is not as if I am reliant on him or he somehow controls
me. It is well documented that I can not cope with professionals too well and I
have two stock responses to these things, both of which are not effective and I
can’t see ending well. I just need someone else there to keep me calm and
sounding half reasonable. But theres been no consideration of this, which is
ironic considering the nature of the assessment, and the alleged outcome of me
being fully supported.
As I hope I don’t need to spell out, the impact of this grey
cloud above our heads has been enourmous. Physically speaking I am putting this
horrible cold down to the stress of the assessment. My mental health is at the
worst its been for a long while, but Im not telling anyone that, again it would
raise concerns and issues. On Friday night I couldn’t sleep so went down stairs
and was drawn to the massive pile of baby stuff in the corner.
Seeing all the neatly piled up clothes that we had washed
the weekend before ready for when Baby comes along in a few weeks time shouldn’t
have gotten me so upset that they were flung across the room, but they did. It shouldn’t
have made me pick one of them up and hug it as if I had somehow lost this baby
before we have even started, but it did. I can’t help these emotional
responses. Im 33 weeks pregnant, im irrational and moody, and that’s nothing to
do with my mental health. I never cry but I have been a lot more emotional in
this pregnancy.
They admitted they should have done this assessment by 24
weeks, but again, budget cuts. There is just no recognition of what they are
doing to me, to us. These last few precious weeks are meant to be building up
to baby being born and we were just started to get excited about the reality of
parenthood. But these things have been robbed from us. It is not that there
should be any real threat of baby being taken from us or anything extreme, but it’s the parnoia that you just
cant help feeling thanks to the stories in the media and the official way this
is all happening.
We just want to be parents. Is that so much to ask?
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
resistance is futile...
(blog mentions a bit about medical reasons for abortion)
The power of the medical professionals scares me. It is even more apparent in pregnancy where you are subject to routine tests and other procedures done "for the good of the baby". I remember the first time it was mentioned to me that I needed to have a vaccine. It was said in passing to me as I was leaving one of my midwife appointments. I waited until my next one to ask exactly what it was and why it was needed. It is assumed that if a medical professional says its a good thing, its a good thing.
If you look at the tests and procedures that happen during pregnancy, they are in the main designed to protect you and your unborn baby from harm. However, if you look beyond the surface there are a few things wrong with some of these things.
The 20 week scan is called the anomaly scan. It is put in at 20 weeks because (in my opinion at least) the legal limit for abortion is 24 weeks. If there is something "wrong" with baby then there are "options" available. Its the same with the 12 week scan for downs syndrome testing.
I have had today the anti D injection, whooping cough vaccine and the flu jab (go me!). Apart from feeling like a pin cushion I am hopefully doing ok. There is an expectation that you will comply for the good of the baby.
For me there is an even greater reason to comply and not resist. If I turned around and said, its ok I don't need this test to find out if Baby has Downs syndrome or the anomaly scan it would be "concerning" to the midwives and the medical professionals. Not because it would be seen as my choice, but because it would be seen through the eyes of my disability and that I was somehow not able to make that rational choice. I would be seen as priotising my needs over the "needs" of my baby.
I could make a very convincing argument as to why these things are not "needed" (at least some of them) but in order to save myself from further scrutiny it is easier to comply and not resist. Resistance, as the borg say is futile. I can leave the rational arguments against scanning and testing in my head and on this blog (if I choose to) but I know that it would be dangerous to let them enter the real world.
The control that the medical professionals have scares me. There is little or no room for questioning their decision, especially if you are considered through the eyes of certain labels (like me). They know best and their word is law. It is the reason why disabled people rebelled and made the social model. To counter this oppressive power and control over their lives. It is, I think important for the medical professionals to remember that in general people are experts in their bodies.
I can give an example. Last week at my midwife appointment I insisted that my blood was taken to test the effectiveness of the drugs I take. Despite the midwife's instinace that I was tired because I was pregnant and that there was "no need" for me to be tested, she eventually allowed the blood test which revealed that yes, my drugs did need increasing, which will hopefully have a real impact on how tired I have been feeling. It was a really risky thing to do to question the midwife, but as I know my own body I shouldn't have been put in the position of resistance but of power and acceptance that I knew what was best. I think the medical professionals are scared to let the patients have any form of control over their bodies for fear of.. well I don't know.. resistance? rebellion? what is the worst that could happen?
As a final thought did you know midwives are obsessed with testing urine? They seem to love it. I know there's a genuine reasons but it makes me giggle that every time I go to them, even if its not part of my regular appointment schedule its "can you give me a sample?" (as if going to the toilet is some kind of Olympic sport for a pregnant woman? (for the uninitiated by this stage my bladder is a personal trampoline for baby to play on)
The power of the medical professionals scares me. It is even more apparent in pregnancy where you are subject to routine tests and other procedures done "for the good of the baby". I remember the first time it was mentioned to me that I needed to have a vaccine. It was said in passing to me as I was leaving one of my midwife appointments. I waited until my next one to ask exactly what it was and why it was needed. It is assumed that if a medical professional says its a good thing, its a good thing.
If you look at the tests and procedures that happen during pregnancy, they are in the main designed to protect you and your unborn baby from harm. However, if you look beyond the surface there are a few things wrong with some of these things.
The 20 week scan is called the anomaly scan. It is put in at 20 weeks because (in my opinion at least) the legal limit for abortion is 24 weeks. If there is something "wrong" with baby then there are "options" available. Its the same with the 12 week scan for downs syndrome testing.
I have had today the anti D injection, whooping cough vaccine and the flu jab (go me!). Apart from feeling like a pin cushion I am hopefully doing ok. There is an expectation that you will comply for the good of the baby.
For me there is an even greater reason to comply and not resist. If I turned around and said, its ok I don't need this test to find out if Baby has Downs syndrome or the anomaly scan it would be "concerning" to the midwives and the medical professionals. Not because it would be seen as my choice, but because it would be seen through the eyes of my disability and that I was somehow not able to make that rational choice. I would be seen as priotising my needs over the "needs" of my baby.
I could make a very convincing argument as to why these things are not "needed" (at least some of them) but in order to save myself from further scrutiny it is easier to comply and not resist. Resistance, as the borg say is futile. I can leave the rational arguments against scanning and testing in my head and on this blog (if I choose to) but I know that it would be dangerous to let them enter the real world.
The control that the medical professionals have scares me. There is little or no room for questioning their decision, especially if you are considered through the eyes of certain labels (like me). They know best and their word is law. It is the reason why disabled people rebelled and made the social model. To counter this oppressive power and control over their lives. It is, I think important for the medical professionals to remember that in general people are experts in their bodies.
I can give an example. Last week at my midwife appointment I insisted that my blood was taken to test the effectiveness of the drugs I take. Despite the midwife's instinace that I was tired because I was pregnant and that there was "no need" for me to be tested, she eventually allowed the blood test which revealed that yes, my drugs did need increasing, which will hopefully have a real impact on how tired I have been feeling. It was a really risky thing to do to question the midwife, but as I know my own body I shouldn't have been put in the position of resistance but of power and acceptance that I knew what was best. I think the medical professionals are scared to let the patients have any form of control over their bodies for fear of.. well I don't know.. resistance? rebellion? what is the worst that could happen?
As a final thought did you know midwives are obsessed with testing urine? They seem to love it. I know there's a genuine reasons but it makes me giggle that every time I go to them, even if its not part of my regular appointment schedule its "can you give me a sample?" (as if going to the toilet is some kind of Olympic sport for a pregnant woman? (for the uninitiated by this stage my bladder is a personal trampoline for baby to play on)
Thursday, 13 February 2014
Not quite pregnant, ponderings on the human (conclusion)
I could see this as a bad thing because I have been building
up my “Disabled” identity for a while now, and it’s part of who I am. Being
disabled, but being pregnant as well is culturally and socially 'wrong'. It feels
like rejection by both parties. I’m not allowed to be a normal “mum to be” by
professionals. The dominant discourse is very medicalised and the emphasis is
on something being “wrong” that needs “fixing”. I am excluded from the normal
motherhood group because of my “disability” label. I have to be cared for
differently and need extra “support” and guidance. The lack of reasonable adjustments
etc. Mean that mum to be world feels pretty exclusive (or excluding). But I’m
not a “normal” disabled person either, society gets excited when a disabled
person gets portrayed as pregnant on the TV (call the midwife for example),
news articles are written about us (mum to be with mental health problems
forced to have a C-section).
We are a rarity, an oddity. I feel less “human” as a result
of this non belonging as my identity IS my humanity. Not only that my new role
as a housewife/stay at home mum/domestic goddess gets called into question.
This is contextualised within culture as well as disability.
Where I’m currently living there is a high level of
unemployment. With my husband (a rarity to have round here) out at work all
day, I’m more likely to be seen as and treated like a single mum. If I were
living in other areas, it would be “normal” to be the wife who stays at home. A
housewife is kinda taboo here. But then, I have the added interesting
juxtaposition. I can’t be a true 'housewife' because I’m both disabled and
pregnant. My pregnancy prevents me from bending, lifting and carrying and doing
any strong cleaning, and my disability stops me from cooking anything beyond a
simple meal in the microwave(Although I am getting good at frozen packets of
veg and meat in the slow cooker food ;).
The dominant discourse within the local area is fixed by the
demographics of the population. The “normal” here is unemployed or low skilled,
white, non-home owning (primarly social housing), little or no formal
education, single parent or unmarried families. Our family makeup is skilled employment
and “disabled”, white, socially housed (found 2 we fit in!) degree level
education and married. It is another area where we don’t “fit in”, but this
doesn’t mean that our neighbours really “exclude” us, but our neighbourhood.
The services that are on offer around here serve the “local population” so
therefore don’t serve us.
But…
Does this really matter? Is it a really “bad thing”?
If I consider myself as “abnormal” even in the context of “abnormal”
and feel like I don’t fit in any category then is it so bad? Why is there that
pressure to fit in to a category of someone else’s making or design? I think its because it makes people feel more “human”,
but then why is this feeling of human so closely linked to identity. Human
equals normal in whatever context and that’s seen as a good thing. It is about
being part of a collective, which for disabled people is central to social
model thinking. Conforming to the same idea of being “disabled” makes it easier
to challenge the oppression and fight back (strength in numbers).
But…
What if..
What If I reject all of that?
Not being categorised. Not even wanting to fit into a “sphere
of normal”? What would that look like? Not being human brings with it (in my
opinion) freedom. Freedom to define yourself. It is not about not conforming,
because there’s nothing for me, or that I can to conform to. I have the freedom
to exist outside of the boundaries of human/normal. I can accept or reject any
aspect of what normal/human has to offer. It is, in effect a new category of
human, akin to the concept of X-men or tomorrow people. But in a non “physical”
sense, more of a social sense. Rather than seeing existing on the edges of
society as a bad thing, I should embrace it because who wants to be
normal/human/ part of the mainstream anyway?
Not quite "pregnant"? ponderings on "the human" (pt1)
I dont feel "human". I feel pregnant, othered,
separate. A special form of disability. Ironically i don’t feel like a woman
either, even though I'm becoming more like a stereotypical 1950’s housewife
every day.
I feel “in limbo”, where I’m not quite a mother, but not
quite “a woman”. Im “pregnant”. There is a stereotype and a separate category
for this period of life. It is “future focused” and there are times where you
are very much treated as if you are simply a vessel for your unborn child.
Everything is centred on doing the best for your unborn child. Primarily this
is sensible, eating the “right thing” doing “the right thing” etc. but it is
not about the now, it is about the future. If you look in the media there is so
much emphasis on the baby’s experience in the womb having an impact on their
future it is not a surprise to have this focus. The premise is that the more “normal”
a pregnancy you have the more “normal” a baby you will have.
I am reminded of my dissertation where I created an idea
called spheres of normalcy. Basically there are norms that are like circles
that people drift in and out of, closer and further away to the stereotypical
norm of that particular group or characteristic. It is about “belonging” within
a group, within the circle and having an identity. It is about feeling human in
relation to other people. If you don’t fit in the circles, you exist within the
gaps, supposedly without an identity. These spheres that I looked at for my
dissertation concentrated on the university micro society, but it can be
applied to any situation. For example if you imagine a sphere of normalcy for
disabled and non-disabled people, there would be certain characteristics that
would mean you would be closer inside one circle or another. It would also
depend on you definition of disabled and non-disabled, but again, its about
belonging, so there would be many different spheres for the many different ways
to identify as “disabled” or “non-disabled”. They could overlap, or exist separately.
However, if you don’t feel you belong within or can find your disabled or non-disabled
identity then you would, in theory be within the gaps.
I didn’t focus too much on the gaps within my dissertation
bar saying that this was an excluded group as they were without identity and
often ignored within the society (university) I was focusing on. It also
depends on the dominant discourse within that society as to how these circles
are constructed and who controls the “borders” of entry and exit. The creation
of the social model of disability for example created a new discourse (or
circle of normal) for people to exist within who had previously existed within
the gaps.
However, I now find myself revisiting this concept to
reflect on my current experiences of being pregnant. I don’t feel I fit within
any of societies norms or circles. I don’t feel disabled, because I’m pregnant,
but then I’m not quite pregnant because I’m disabled. I’m not quite a Woman
because I’m disabled and a housewife, but then I’m not quite a housewife
because I’m pregnant and disabled.
I can be a newly married, pregnant woman, but not disabled,
or a disabled woman (but being pregnant and married doesn’t quite fit). All the
labels that I should be using to define me just don’t quite fit me. I’m not
normal in any sense of the word, which means I feel like I don’t belong. I fall
between the gaps.
Is this a bad thing though? (to be continued here: http://concernningthenormal.blogspot.com/2014/02/not-quite-pregnant-ponderings-on-human_13.html
Tuesday, 11 February 2014
Call the midwife, attitudes haven't changed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but attitudes towards disability and pregnancy haven't changed. Well, at least in my experience. There is the automatic assumption that as a disabled person that you either can not cope as a parent or need interventions and "support" from "professionals" to help you cope.
I am not denying that in some ways attitudes have changed for the better. I am a successful, married young woman with the freedom to live where I want to and with who I want to. However, becoming pregnant suddenly changes all that freedom into scrutiny, assessments and judgements.
At my first midwife appointment I was honest about my impairments with the midwife as I naievely thought it wouldn't make a difference. There was a bit of focus on what I couldn't do but nothing overly unusual to what I normally experience when I disclose my impairment and the disabling barriers that go alongside it.
Even the promised assessment sounded positive. It would mean that I could get the support I needed as a new Mum, and my husband as a new Dad and my carer might need to adjust to parenthood. It was logical, after all it is best to predict these things than have to rush in later on when things hit crisis point surely?
Unfortunately, the assessment had been miss-sold to us. It wasn't my husband or even my assessment but that of our unborn baby. It focused on the midwives concerns for the little one, and all the things that we couldn't do or hadn't even thought about if we could do them or not. I was 18 weeks pregnant at this point, and I would hope that not many families would be particularly ready for a new baby at this point. But apparently this was a concern. There was a concern about the state of our one bedroom flat, but as we pointed out we were due to move the week after the assessment so things would inevitably be, "a bit messy". Our 2 bedroom house is immaculate, thanks to the pressure and fear of the assessment, as oppose to our choice to keep it that way.
As a result of the assessment we have had social services involvement and other agencies showing up with their concerns. No new parent should have to deal with the constant judgements and the paranoia that we are dealing with, let alone a family who are already dealing with disability and pregnancy (a combination that sometimes just doesn't mix).
We feel under pressure to be the perfect parents to this child. We are in fear of making mistakes and I think we are now the most prepared couple you could ever imagine. I feel completely devalued as a mother, as it is all about my unborn child. I have become a vessel for baby and dehumanised along the way. There are moments of joy when baby kicked for the first time or when we went to buy their pram or found some lovely clothes for them to wear, but these are tinged with the constant reminder that the proffesionals think we are not suitable parents and we have to prove them otherwise.
For other parents there is no need for them to prove themselves as good parents before the child is even born. I think I slipped up when I admitted that no, I am not a good parent, as I am not even a parent yet and I probably wont ever consider myself a good parent as I will probably always make mistakes. This might seem like a perfectly sensible and logical statement but when I say it, because I have a label of impairment it brings with it some serious concerns.
Attitudes have changed, but they need to change a whole lot more before disabled parents are considered equally alongside non disabled parents. At the moment, ironically disabled parents have a lot higher standards to aim for than non disabled parents. We need to be allowed to be "just parents" and not have everything interpreted through the eyes of our impairments. If the dishes haven't been done by lunch time in a house with a new baby, this shouldn't be seen as a concern, but as a sign that the parents have been up all night and have been focused on the child.
I can't wait to watch the show on sunday, as I watch it most weeks. I am sure that attitudes have changed a whole lot, but I am not sure that they have gone far enough. Until documents like this http://webapps.stoke.gov.uk/uploadedfiles/Guide_to_Levels_of_Need_Jan_2013.pdf
change to reflect the fact that not all children whose parents / carers/siblings have chronic long term
I am not denying that in some ways attitudes have changed for the better. I am a successful, married young woman with the freedom to live where I want to and with who I want to. However, becoming pregnant suddenly changes all that freedom into scrutiny, assessments and judgements.
At my first midwife appointment I was honest about my impairments with the midwife as I naievely thought it wouldn't make a difference. There was a bit of focus on what I couldn't do but nothing overly unusual to what I normally experience when I disclose my impairment and the disabling barriers that go alongside it.
Even the promised assessment sounded positive. It would mean that I could get the support I needed as a new Mum, and my husband as a new Dad and my carer might need to adjust to parenthood. It was logical, after all it is best to predict these things than have to rush in later on when things hit crisis point surely?
Unfortunately, the assessment had been miss-sold to us. It wasn't my husband or even my assessment but that of our unborn baby. It focused on the midwives concerns for the little one, and all the things that we couldn't do or hadn't even thought about if we could do them or not. I was 18 weeks pregnant at this point, and I would hope that not many families would be particularly ready for a new baby at this point. But apparently this was a concern. There was a concern about the state of our one bedroom flat, but as we pointed out we were due to move the week after the assessment so things would inevitably be, "a bit messy". Our 2 bedroom house is immaculate, thanks to the pressure and fear of the assessment, as oppose to our choice to keep it that way.
As a result of the assessment we have had social services involvement and other agencies showing up with their concerns. No new parent should have to deal with the constant judgements and the paranoia that we are dealing with, let alone a family who are already dealing with disability and pregnancy (a combination that sometimes just doesn't mix).
We feel under pressure to be the perfect parents to this child. We are in fear of making mistakes and I think we are now the most prepared couple you could ever imagine. I feel completely devalued as a mother, as it is all about my unborn child. I have become a vessel for baby and dehumanised along the way. There are moments of joy when baby kicked for the first time or when we went to buy their pram or found some lovely clothes for them to wear, but these are tinged with the constant reminder that the proffesionals think we are not suitable parents and we have to prove them otherwise.
For other parents there is no need for them to prove themselves as good parents before the child is even born. I think I slipped up when I admitted that no, I am not a good parent, as I am not even a parent yet and I probably wont ever consider myself a good parent as I will probably always make mistakes. This might seem like a perfectly sensible and logical statement but when I say it, because I have a label of impairment it brings with it some serious concerns.
Attitudes have changed, but they need to change a whole lot more before disabled parents are considered equally alongside non disabled parents. At the moment, ironically disabled parents have a lot higher standards to aim for than non disabled parents. We need to be allowed to be "just parents" and not have everything interpreted through the eyes of our impairments. If the dishes haven't been done by lunch time in a house with a new baby, this shouldn't be seen as a concern, but as a sign that the parents have been up all night and have been focused on the child.
I can't wait to watch the show on sunday, as I watch it most weeks. I am sure that attitudes have changed a whole lot, but I am not sure that they have gone far enough. Until documents like this http://webapps.stoke.gov.uk/uploadedfiles/Guide_to_Levels_of_Need_Jan_2013.pdf
change to reflect the fact that not all children whose parents / carers/siblings have chronic long term
mental or physical health problems sit in the same category of need as those parents with drug and alcohol misuse or domestic violence issues (p16), then I am sure that this trend will continue. By pure defintion of my label I have intensive needs and have to accept the help of whatever agency offers it or I will be seen to be putting my own needs above that of my child (a concern of course).
Families, parents, parents to be who are disabled have it hard enough, without being offered judgement, paranoia, fear and assumption wrapped up in the form of care and support.
Families, parents, parents to be who are disabled have it hard enough, without being offered judgement, paranoia, fear and assumption wrapped up in the form of care and support.
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