my thoughts on the final social services assessment..

I am finding it somewhat ironic to be in this situation. When I was 9 weeks pregnant it was agreed by my midwife, husband and I that having a baby would incur some extra difficulties for me due to my impairment and that I should go through the process of seeking support for this. To get to 36 weeks and be relieved when the outcome of this initial premise has been proven to be false demonstrates to me that either the assessment system is flawed (and that I do need extra support) or that there was another agenda, hidden from view.

Unfortunately my experiences throughout this time have made me come to the conclusion that it is the latter that is more likely to be true. Although it was put to us that my impairment meant that I could do with some support in pregnancy, birth and parenthood, the actual focus wasn’t on my husband and I but that of our unborn child. By placing a child’s needs who by legal definition has no rights pre-birth above ours skews the support on offer to become that of assessing our capability as parents in a deficit framework as oppose to a supportive one. That is to say that all the assessments and interventions we experienced over this time have focused on what we can’t do and can’t provide as a family due to my impairment, rather than what we can or what we might need additional support with.



The guidance on the internet backs this up, placing parents who are disabled in the same category of need as substance addicted parents and parents with complex and multiple problems and needs. The power of the label as a tool of judgement against me was total. By nature of being a disabled mum to be my child must be in need and lacking of something essential to their safety and wellbeing. This is the premise that these assessments start from. They don’t start from the premise that all parents to be are lacking of their parenting ability until they become parents and even then this skill is not automatic and has to be learnt and is achieved through mistakes and experience. By expecting disabled parents parental capability to be above even that of their non-disabled peers places a huge amount of pressure and expectations upon these parents, who like me, might have their own barriers to overcome before even considering how to parent (but that should in no way be seen as a deficit or even the fault of the parents: it could be societal barriers etc.).



Our family has spent the last month going through absolute hell. We have been surviving day to day, emotionally fragile and physically exhausted. We have been intensively and intrusively questioned about every aspect of our current and past lives and in even more detail about the impact of my impairment on my ability to be a parent. Having to answer questions that are basically requiring the skills of a psychic in a way that not only satisfies the assessor but also accurately reflects personal opinion and expectation has been, well, weird. We lost sight of the whole process and ourselves, feeling the pressure of being negatively labelled and battling against the power of self-fulfilling prophesy that the assessments were placing on us. Clinging on to what little pieces of humanity we had left was very difficult and at times impossible to achieve, with us only just managing to make it through the day intact.



We went from seeking support to seeking a way out of the system. It became very clear to us early on that the “support” on offer was only judgement and assumptive concepts of disabled parents wrapped up in positivity and care. Although we still, underneath it all might need support because of my impairment we would be reluctant to seek it again because of our experiences.



It is a surprising and ironic conclusion that we (or should I say our child) has been assessed as not “in need” from a system that is institutionally disablist and that labels all disabled people as incapable parents . I would be hesitant to call it a victory, because I don’t think that finding one family capable of being parents will make any significant changes to the whole system or the assumptions and prejudice that exist within it, which saddens me. Our family is lucky, well-educated and well supported, but it shouldn’t be lucky to be labelled as capable parents despite/because of our individual circumstances, it should be the premise that all assessments should start from and not conclude with.