I could see this as a bad thing because I have been building
up my “Disabled” identity for a while now, and it’s part of who I am. Being
disabled, but being pregnant as well is culturally and socially 'wrong'. It feels
like rejection by both parties. I’m not allowed to be a normal “mum to be” by
professionals. The dominant discourse is very medicalised and the emphasis is
on something being “wrong” that needs “fixing”. I am excluded from the normal
motherhood group because of my “disability” label. I have to be cared for
differently and need extra “support” and guidance. The lack of reasonable adjustments
etc. Mean that mum to be world feels pretty exclusive (or excluding). But I’m
not a “normal” disabled person either, society gets excited when a disabled
person gets portrayed as pregnant on the TV (call the midwife for example),
news articles are written about us (mum to be with mental health problems
forced to have a C-section).
We are a rarity, an oddity. I feel less “human” as a result
of this non belonging as my identity IS my humanity. Not only that my new role
as a housewife/stay at home mum/domestic goddess gets called into question.
This is contextualised within culture as well as disability.
Where I’m currently living there is a high level of
unemployment. With my husband (a rarity to have round here) out at work all
day, I’m more likely to be seen as and treated like a single mum. If I were
living in other areas, it would be “normal” to be the wife who stays at home. A
housewife is kinda taboo here. But then, I have the added interesting
juxtaposition. I can’t be a true 'housewife' because I’m both disabled and
pregnant. My pregnancy prevents me from bending, lifting and carrying and doing
any strong cleaning, and my disability stops me from cooking anything beyond a
simple meal in the microwave(Although I am getting good at frozen packets of
veg and meat in the slow cooker food ;).
The dominant discourse within the local area is fixed by the
demographics of the population. The “normal” here is unemployed or low skilled,
white, non-home owning (primarly social housing), little or no formal
education, single parent or unmarried families. Our family makeup is skilled employment
and “disabled”, white, socially housed (found 2 we fit in!) degree level
education and married. It is another area where we don’t “fit in”, but this
doesn’t mean that our neighbours really “exclude” us, but our neighbourhood.
The services that are on offer around here serve the “local population” so
therefore don’t serve us.
But…
Does this really matter? Is it a really “bad thing”?
If I consider myself as “abnormal” even in the context of “abnormal”
and feel like I don’t fit in any category then is it so bad? Why is there that
pressure to fit in to a category of someone else’s making or design? I think its because it makes people feel more “human”,
but then why is this feeling of human so closely linked to identity. Human
equals normal in whatever context and that’s seen as a good thing. It is about
being part of a collective, which for disabled people is central to social
model thinking. Conforming to the same idea of being “disabled” makes it easier
to challenge the oppression and fight back (strength in numbers).
But…
What if..
What If I reject all of that?
Not being categorised. Not even wanting to fit into a “sphere
of normal”? What would that look like? Not being human brings with it (in my
opinion) freedom. Freedom to define yourself. It is not about not conforming,
because there’s nothing for me, or that I can to conform to. I have the freedom
to exist outside of the boundaries of human/normal. I can accept or reject any
aspect of what normal/human has to offer. It is, in effect a new category of
human, akin to the concept of X-men or tomorrow people. But in a non “physical”
sense, more of a social sense. Rather than seeing existing on the edges of
society as a bad thing, I should embrace it because who wants to be
normal/human/ part of the mainstream anyway?
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